Sterile
by FlopsyOllie
Summary: Because no matter how hard she tries to change, she always seems to end up in the same place again, whether it be blade or bottle. -- Ellie oneshot, set during Degrassi Goes Hollywood!


**Sterile**

_**SPOILERS FOR **_**DEGRASSI GOES HOLLYWOOD **_**AHEAD!!!!! AVERT YE EYES IF NEED BE!**_

_- // -_

She never liked hospitals. They frightened her, ever since she was four and needed stitches. She had cut her hand on a broken bottle. Her dad held her hand, and afterwards she was given a lollipop. But it was a cherry lollipop. She hates cherry.

Her mother meets them in the waiting room. Marco came along. There wasn't much to stick around for in L.A, with Paige putting on a diva act (and something about slapping him, but he said that story was for another day). The first thing they do is hug, and then they talk. Marco gives them some space.

"I expected you here sooner. What took so long?"

The accusations and mean stare stayed behind in rehab, along with the alcohol. Now her mother is the mother Ellie always wished she had. She isn't perfect, but she's trying. It's better late than never.

"I couldn't deal with it, mom. I just couldn't."

She tucks her hair behind her ears, nervously playing with her hands. Marco is flipping through a battered copy of _Cosmo Girl _in the corner. Judy Nash's eyes bore into her. This was so much easier when she was the one asking questions, when she was the one fighting the bottle out of her mother's hand.

"Well, we should've at least been in the same country. Honestly, Ellie…"

"I'm… sorry. But I'm like you. When I can't fix things, I run away."

Running away. What is she running towards? It used to be to locked doors, to razor blades and bleeding arms. Cutting was easy, talking was hard. Suddenly, it turned into alcohol. She doesn't really understand why it did. Like mother like daughter? At least alcohol hurt a little less. Not until the morning, anyway. Of course, it makes you stupid too. Stupid, like wanting to disappear. Like walking into the ocean even though she can't swim because she wants to disappear.

That's just it. She hadn't really wanted to die, no. She just wanted to disappear. Why? Because moms get angry and dads get sick and boys suck. Because no matter how hard she tries to change, she always seems to end up in the same place again, whether it be blade or bottle.

"I know," Judy sighs, "But I'm not running away anymore. You can't either, okay? We're all going to get through this together."

"Okay, mom," she tries to straighten up, brushing away any signs of jetlag. Something has been bothering her. She doesn't know why, but she needs to know the answer, "Does… Daddy know about me? About…"

"After I got sober, I talked to him. He knows about my alcoholism starting again, and he knows about your cutting. I never told him about… your drinking. I thought if it was just one time… why? Did something happen?"

"… We just need to talk about a few things. Stuff happened… in LA. But I just wanted to be prepared. I don't know if I should bring anything up, or--"

"Just talk to him, sweetie. If I can face this, so can you."

She sighs, stepping around the corner. There is her father. He looks older and worn, but it's her father.

It's been four years.

"Daddy."

The rest is a blur. Finally, they are a family again.

- // -

_THANK YOU DEGRASSI GODS!!!! Finally we have some closure on Ellie's dad. I've been waiting YEARS for this!!!!_

_Did anyone else loove the movie as much as I did? Just finished watching it, and I'm totally freaking out. I loved that Crellie made another appearance (I love Crellie. If anyone's read anything else of mine, you'd know)! And another kiss! YEAH! But most of all, Ellie's issues with her family finally being retouched made me so happy!_

_Anyway, I won't talk about the entire movie here. Please, tell me what you think in reviews (of course, don't forget about my little oneshot, too! I think I'll have more coming on this subject and other aspects of the movie… maybe), or PM me! I'd love to share with people what they thought about the movie!_

_I hope you liked it! ~ Molly_


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